Amusement Park Observations

Ok, I just got back from a few days at Disney and need to make a few observations on amusement parks as a whole so sit back and relax.  Oh, and don’t worry, I’ll be as offensive as possible:

1. It always cracks me (and my wife) up when we see these parents pushing around their kids in strollers.  Their kids who are TOO BIG for the friggin’ thing that is!!  Hey, if you kid is over five, they should be walking.  Nothing worse than seeing a kid crammed into a stroller with their head bent and their feet sticking out.  I tell ya, this is where all the grown up wusses and crying, bitching adults come from.  They start off having parents who cater to them and coddle them and that, in turn, leads to lazy adults and the wussification of America.  Turning them into Democrats with their hand out is what they are doing.   I just have to roll my eyes and laugh when I see some fat ass, nine year old kid being pushed around in a stroller eating a big ice cream cone.  Hello Diabetes!!  That in turn leads me to my next point…

2. Fat people.  Good Gosh are there a lot of overweight people at amusement parks.  I guess that is just life though.  I looked around and just saw fat everywhere!  What is even more amusing is that when you look at photos of Disney Land from the 60’s, you see all these skinny people.  Now I know where all these names like Lard Ass, Fatso and Fatty came from.  Back in the day, there were so few of them, the name applied.  Today, you yell out “Hey, Fatso!”  in a crowded mall and 95% of the crowd will turn to look.  Today, these people are walking slow (well,waddling slow), chowing down on a big turkey leg, sucking down a diet coke (in about a 30 oz cup) and sweating like pigs.  Then, you look at their kids and see what they are gonna look like as adults.  We are a nation of fat slobs.  Heck, last year there was a story where Disneyland was having to update “It’s a small world” due to the boats getting stuck.  Of course, they say it’s not because of fat people but please…we all know that’s what it is.  How do you let yourself get so big?  A few years ago when I noticed my pants were getting a bit snug, I began to watch my diet and exercise more.  I guess other people just go out and buy bigger clothes.  I would think when you have to start shopping a specialty stores for clothes you should clue in.   I think the worst thing is when you have to drive a scooter around because you are so damn fat.  I saw quite a few of those at Disney and I would bet my bottom dollar that a lot of those were because the person was overweight and not because of some disability.   Speaking of getting in the way…

3. Stopping.  Hey, if you are going to look at your map and consult your spouse on what ride to go on next or where to go to stuff your face again…GET OUT OF THE FRIGGIN’ WAY!!!!!  I can’t tell you how many times we would be walking and just about slam into the people in front of us because they just stopped abruptly.  Sometimes, even getting off the ride they stop right in the middle of the lane.  GET OVER TO THE SIDE!  You know, it’s the same at malls.  People just don’t think or they are only thinking of themselves.  Gee, imagine that!  Now, while we are on this topic…

4. Walking.  How is it that my wife and I with two small kids (seven and five) can walk faster than people in their early twenties with no kids?  Why do people walk so damn SLOW???!!?????  I see the same thing at the mall and at work.  They walk like they are doing a sobriety test and are doing the heel to toe thing.  And these are the same people who get back from Disney and say “Oh, it was so crowded we only got to a few rides!”  Oh, give me some cheese with that wine Mr. and Mrs. lazy ass.  Maybe if you picked up the pace you could hit more things and hey…maybe, just maybe, you would lose some weight while you are at it!!!  Heck, many times we would pass the parents pushing a stroller with some ten year old boy in it.  How is it that we, with two little girls, can walk faster than someone pushing a cart on wheels?  And on the subject of lazy kids….

5. Line Hoppers.  You know, if I have to wait in line, so you do AND your kids.  Nothing worse than being in line for something and after a half hour, when we are close to the front, here comes four little snot nosed brats weaseling their way up to their Dad in front of us.  Yeah, while the Dad waited in line, the kids were over at the gift shop.  Talk about teaching your kids to be lazy adults!  If I have to wait in line and suffer, so do my kids!  That in turn teaches them to make wise choices.  Do you want to wait in line for this ride or do that other ride with the shorter line.  I really do believe you can take things like this and use them as teaching moments that they will take with them and learn from.  What are you teaching your kid when you show them it’s OK to take cuts in front of someone else?  Well, I guess you could say you are teaching them to be good Liberals and make excuses and take short cuts instead of taking your medicine but hey, that’s another topic.  Let’s move on to another topic but in the same category…

6. Being aware of others: This mostly applies to the Characters at Disney.  No, no…not the fat one with the turkey leg.  The ones dressed up.  No…not the chick with her thong showing or the idiots in the “smoking section”.  I’m talking about Mickey, Donald and Snow White.  You see a lot of these characters and have to wait in line with your kids to get a picture.  The kids are really excited and it’s a lot of fun but please….be aware there are people waiting in line behind you.  My wife and I are always very aware of this.  We get our kids up there, let them give the characters hugs, pose for a picture and move on.  We take one or two pictures TOGETHER and then move.  I tell ya…some people thought that they were the only ones there.  This family in front of us had to get like five books autographed then had to take a picture with each kid with Minnie and THEN a group shot and THEN a picture with just the girls and THEN one with just the boys.  Now, granted, part of that is the fault of Disney for not moving them along but these people are just too self-centered to understand anything.  Of course, these are the same people who stop in front of you and walk as slow as a snail.  Speaking of self-centered people…

7. Important people.  I saw quite a few of them there.  It was amazing.  So many people there had the little cell phone in their ear.  I was really humbled to be in the presence of so many geniuses.  I mean, they had to be so important to have that ear piece in all day, right?  I guess, if there is a nuclear attack they need to be able to be notified right away, right?  They are so damn important that if the President needs them, he can get hold of them right away so they have got to wear that ear piece all day no matter where they are.  Even while stuffing their face or riding the Dumbo ride or even while taking a whiz, they just have to be ready to take that call.  What a joke!  Yeah, I had my cell phone with me.  In my pocket or backpack. Not in my friggin’ ear all day long. 

8. Hot Mom’s…oh wait!  I don’t have a problem with them!  Hey…I had to end on something positive, didn’t I? 

Many thanks to my wife for helping my compile this list.  What else are you gonna do to pass the time while waiting to ride.

Tags: Disney, Fat People, Hot Moms, Lazy people, Liberals, Mickey Mouse, wussification